A Date with Rejection.

I went on a date with rejection,  I didn't see it coming.  

I didn't know that it could hurt so bad.

 That it could be so destroying. 

I did not know that rejection hurts more as an adult. 

I felt its burn, I wanted to run.  

My heart beat fast, and the tears began to fall.

 I wondered what I had done?

 But no one would even tell me. 

To bossy, to controlling, to loud, and to consoling?  

What is this that you hate in me?

What have I done for you to disown me?  

Pushed away like the closing of a door,  to feel the love no more. 

 A defining day, that everything changed.  

I went on a date with rejection, it was a very lonely day. 

 It said to me in a screaming tone, 

"You just sit there and don't get in the way".

I sat alone with rejection on a bench,  it made me feel ashamed.  

What have I done, that they have chase me away?  

Years later, and rejection is still hanging around my head. 

Rejection and I have remained to close, a memory that never fades. 

Fear and anger like to tag along, like third wheels they torment me.  

I went on a date with rejection, it never seems to end.  

What am I going to do with this unwanted friend?

To heal, Oh, how I long for that day, but I can not shake it, it won't go away. 

It beats me, tells me I am not enough and leaves me with open wounds. 

I am so confused.  

What is this feeling inside my chest?

"Get over it" I tell myself, but I can't.

 I can't seem to hang in on the shelf.  

 I Give it to God then I run and take it back. 

Like its a piece of me, my new identity. 

I feel like a target is on my back, I am guarded and broken. 

I never wanted this feeling inside of my heart,  it truly tears me apart.  

I went on a date with rejection, and it has never left.  

I wonder if I will never know why rejection had to even come? 

Why I let it enter my own head?

Why I didn't stand up and send it away? 

I didn't put it in it's place, because I wanted to save face. 

I sacrificed myself for the good of others, but in hindsight I feel it was a blunder.  

It's time I choose to put rejection where it belongs. 

I went on a date with rejection and told it I am not ashamed.  

You cannot rob me of who I am, I am God blessed and forgiven.   

I am loved, beautiful and true, God breathed and deeply misunderstood.

They don't have a clue. 

It was me who began to reject them that day, but I didn't want too.   

I closed the door, and said no more.

I was dying inside but I pretended that I was fine. 

I almost didn't even go that day, the writing was on the wall.   

Hope told me that I would be ok.

I just had to get through, get through that day. 

I went on a date with rejection, I will never be the same.