Loosing the Best Friend I ever Had.

My Bear!! 

Today, we lost our dog, my Teddy bear.   For 11.5 years he brightened our days, got into garbage,  stole food off the counters and table, chew up many house hold things,  and liked to shred diapers.  Today he had an accident, involving our truck and although we knew his days were limited, we did not or expect this one, and it comes with some heavy guilt for my poor hubby.  Our dog suffered non-treatable injuries.
The choice was a hard, and yet sadly an easy one to make.  He was in so much pain, and could barely move.  Our Vet came to our aid, and helped us peacefully say Good bye at home, on his mat, and with mom holding his Head.  In He took it all like a champ, and peacefully went with no fuss. I am going to miss this Boy so much.

January 2007 13 weeks old.

We got him in January 2007,  A spunky little golden retriever puppy, that had eyes that could melt even the coldest of hearts.  He came when I needed him the most, in the midst of our infertility journey my pooch, was by my side.  When I was sad, he would never leave my side, trying to climb in my lap, and get his head under my arm.  He was so easy to train, and loved being trained.  He could shake a paw, high five, hold and wait on his treat when placed on his nose,  he could say please, sing high, sing Low and jump through hoops, with out me ever saying a word.  All hand signals, that he learned after learning the verbal commands.  He retained this knowledge up until today.  He was a bit of a goof, a wimp about being outside by himself.  He would rather be at my feet peacefully sleeping. I tripped on him numerous times a day.   He was so good with our little one's when they did finally enter the scene, and super sweet, and kill ya with kisses.

A good dog is better then a best friend.  Even though I could occasionally loose my temper on him, he still loved me. When he would find me crying he would put his face on my leg, just to say its gonna be ok mom.  He has been with me through caring for my mom while dealing with a mastectomy, and later when she lost her battle against Cancer, he was with me on the dark days after loosing our embryo's. He was there when we found out we were pregnant and he adored his sister      ( Miss Tor Tor) He went camping, fishing and on MANY road trips with us.  Our local Tim Hortons knew him by name, and he usually got 2 timbits, just because he would say please.

I sit here writing this and I am still in shock that he is gone,  my house feels so differently empty.  He loved our cat, who we lost 3 years ago, and the two of them became best buddies, and could often be found sleeping cuddled with one another.  It gonna take me some time to get used to this one.  It is not the right time to get another dog, at this point.  Although my reaction was to go look at Dogs to adopt.  It wouldn't be wise, to get one right now.
Some may say, Oh its just a dog.  However He, was a hero for me.  He kept me busy, gave me a reason to be out walking, gave me such joy, and kept me laughing, his messes, meant I was busy doing something on the days, when infertility made me want to give up on life.  He gave me something to be proud of, and Love, and snuggle.  He spent every morning on my bed with me after dad left for work...shhhhh don't tell him, in the days before kids.  He was my guard dog, when I felt afraid, I would keep him with me on those lonely nights when my hubby was gone, or busy.
He gave me a reason to get up, face life, and move forward.  I am so sad, that it ended the way that it did. My hubby feels so awful, and I feel awful that he feels awful.  But our old doggie, just didn't get out of the way like he did every other day.  Today something was different, and is now tonight, I won't kiss his head and say goodnight bear.   I am heart broken.   We put him in a Pine Fireworks Crate, we had left from Canada day last year, and it fit his Golden Red body perfectly, and buried him on the home farm where he roamed, and started his life with us.

Oh my Bear, I will always cherish our time together on this earth and I will miss your vacuum abilities after the kids spill their food....You always knew were to place your self under the highchairs or near the table. I will miss your smiles and tail wags, I will miss your snuggles and hugs when I am feeling down.  I am going to miss you on our Walks, and the jingle of your collar in the morning.   Thank you, Old Friend, you.   Love Always. Mom.