The Sting of tragic loss of Life
There are times in life, that time its self seems to stop. The moment the heart starts to beat out of your chest, almost trying to run away. I have felt this feeling 4 times now. It has never got easier, I think it gets harder.
Yesterday My mom's side of the family was taken out by a giant wave of a tragedy, the ripples of this loss have only begun, and the impact of this loss will be widespread.
A 22-year-old man, ended his own life, in a moment of overwhelming hopelessness. This young man once was the little baby boy that I held the day after he was born and watched him grow up, being the Eldest of the cousins, I got my baby snuggles in as much as I possibly could. I was in love with this little boy, and it breaks my heart to think that this now young man is no longer with us, to laugh with, to tease, to cheer on, or celebrate with.
We grieve the loss of life, we grieve for a mother and father and brother, who are left to pick up the pieces with no answers to their questions. We wrap each other in hugs and kiss our kids a little sweeter. It has rocked the community, the church, and robbed his family of precious hopes and dreams for his future.
My brother put it very simply, the ripples of devastation have only begun. The impact of this is a lifetime of questions, could have's, should have's, would have's, and if only's.
I have a hard time comprehending that this smart, well-liked, so dearly loved guy would feel that he needed to end it all. There really are no words.
We just find ourselves at a loss. The shock is hitting the deepest part of our core. I hope and pray that in the coming days, that his parent's and little brother, will feel the love and care of the community around them.
In the coming weeks, months and years, the endless thoughts of him will forever be present, and that is because of memories that we have of him, and with him. Memories will carry us through those hard days, memories will also be the cause of hard days, especially for those who were immediately impacted by this untimely, and tragic death. My prayers go out to those who were impacted on that day. The lives of his nearest and dearest friends will be forever impacted. I wonder how many of those who had a part in K-man's life, will wonder if we all could have done more, to prevent this tragedy. His parents, brother, and families and friends will face waves of all kinds of emotions in the coming days, months and years. The loss will remain a part of life until they see their son again in God's kingdom in Heaven.
Dear K-man,
I should have sent a letter to you like this one, while you were living, and I am sorry I didn't.
You are loved, You are enough. Remember the saying, "sticks, and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...WRONG... They do hurt, they hurt more than a bullet or a baseball bat, physical wounds will heal, but the mind and heart hold on to stupid things people say or things things we say to ourselves. Its a tool that satan uses to get into our heads. We become enemies of our own mind. Those thoughts they are all lies. I am angry at our broken world, and I am so sad. K-man I am not mad, I am heartbroken, that the master of lies seeped into your soul, and pushed you over the edge. Your heart must have been so heavy, so burdened, so overwhelmed. Just like we are now.
K-man, you were a shining light for your parents, and I have never seen two parents love their child more then they loved you and your brother. I went through all your photo's on facebook with a fine tooth comb and downloaded them to my computer, just perhaps trying to reach into your soul, and ask the question, why?
The answers will never be answered fully, and although you had your reasons, they just don't seem justified to me, in the turmoil of losing you.
Oh kid, if you only could have stopped for a moment just thought about how much you are loved, how much life was prayed over you from the moment your parents found out they were pregnant. If you had only been able to glimpse into your crib and see your mommy watching you from the doorway, as you slept all wrapped up. K-man I cannot see the 22-year-old young man you are, in my head. I only see that beautiful baby boy peering up at me. I see and hear you yell to Oma " Down" Down" when you wanted to be picked up after Opa's sneeze scared you. I can see you Dirt biking on your tiny little bike in the back yard, with your mommy gasping as you ripped around the flower gardens. I see you digging holes in the sand, and face painting me at the family reunion. I see you and feel your little arms wrap around me in a hug. I hear you laughing, and see you smiling. I, see you with your long bangs in your face and flicking them back out of your face in those early teen years. I see you at my wedding, and I wish I could stop time, rewind and go back to those days.
K-man, I moved away those 15 years ago, but the love for my cousins has never dimmed. I can hardly believe I am coming home to Alberta to say goodbye. That crazy blond-haired kid, who loved to dirt biking, skiing and being outside with your dad, is in heaven, not here where we feel you should be. Your kind heart, unforgetable giggle and cheeky grin, are forever imprinted on my heart. K-man, I am going to miss you. We all are going to miss you.
I could write many more words, but I can't see the screen any more through my tears. I love you little cous, I always have, I always will. Till we meet again,
With Love,
Deeds
K-Man Feb 4th,1997- March 8,2019
Yesterday My mom's side of the family was taken out by a giant wave of a tragedy, the ripples of this loss have only begun, and the impact of this loss will be widespread.
A 22-year-old man, ended his own life, in a moment of overwhelming hopelessness. This young man once was the little baby boy that I held the day after he was born and watched him grow up, being the Eldest of the cousins, I got my baby snuggles in as much as I possibly could. I was in love with this little boy, and it breaks my heart to think that this now young man is no longer with us, to laugh with, to tease, to cheer on, or celebrate with.
My brother put it very simply, the ripples of devastation have only begun. The impact of this is a lifetime of questions, could have's, should have's, would have's, and if only's.
I have a hard time comprehending that this smart, well-liked, so dearly loved guy would feel that he needed to end it all. There really are no words.
We just find ourselves at a loss. The shock is hitting the deepest part of our core. I hope and pray that in the coming days, that his parent's and little brother, will feel the love and care of the community around them.
In the coming weeks, months and years, the endless thoughts of him will forever be present, and that is because of memories that we have of him, and with him. Memories will carry us through those hard days, memories will also be the cause of hard days, especially for those who were immediately impacted by this untimely, and tragic death. My prayers go out to those who were impacted on that day. The lives of his nearest and dearest friends will be forever impacted. I wonder how many of those who had a part in K-man's life, will wonder if we all could have done more, to prevent this tragedy. His parents, brother, and families and friends will face waves of all kinds of emotions in the coming days, months and years. The loss will remain a part of life until they see their son again in God's kingdom in Heaven.
Dear K-man,
I should have sent a letter to you like this one, while you were living, and I am sorry I didn't.
You are loved, You are enough. Remember the saying, "sticks, and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...WRONG... They do hurt, they hurt more than a bullet or a baseball bat, physical wounds will heal, but the mind and heart hold on to stupid things people say or things things we say to ourselves. Its a tool that satan uses to get into our heads. We become enemies of our own mind. Those thoughts they are all lies. I am angry at our broken world, and I am so sad. K-man I am not mad, I am heartbroken, that the master of lies seeped into your soul, and pushed you over the edge. Your heart must have been so heavy, so burdened, so overwhelmed. Just like we are now.
K-man, you were a shining light for your parents, and I have never seen two parents love their child more then they loved you and your brother. I went through all your photo's on facebook with a fine tooth comb and downloaded them to my computer, just perhaps trying to reach into your soul, and ask the question, why?
The answers will never be answered fully, and although you had your reasons, they just don't seem justified to me, in the turmoil of losing you.
Oh kid, if you only could have stopped for a moment just thought about how much you are loved, how much life was prayed over you from the moment your parents found out they were pregnant. If you had only been able to glimpse into your crib and see your mommy watching you from the doorway, as you slept all wrapped up. K-man I cannot see the 22-year-old young man you are, in my head. I only see that beautiful baby boy peering up at me. I see and hear you yell to Oma " Down" Down" when you wanted to be picked up after Opa's sneeze scared you. I can see you Dirt biking on your tiny little bike in the back yard, with your mommy gasping as you ripped around the flower gardens. I see you digging holes in the sand, and face painting me at the family reunion. I see you and feel your little arms wrap around me in a hug. I hear you laughing, and see you smiling. I, see you with your long bangs in your face and flicking them back out of your face in those early teen years. I see you at my wedding, and I wish I could stop time, rewind and go back to those days.
K-man, I moved away those 15 years ago, but the love for my cousins has never dimmed. I can hardly believe I am coming home to Alberta to say goodbye. That crazy blond-haired kid, who loved to dirt biking, skiing and being outside with your dad, is in heaven, not here where we feel you should be. Your kind heart, unforgetable giggle and cheeky grin, are forever imprinted on my heart. K-man, I am going to miss you. We all are going to miss you.
I could write many more words, but I can't see the screen any more through my tears. I love you little cous, I always have, I always will. Till we meet again,
With Love,
Deeds
K-Man Feb 4th,1997- March 8,2019
Romans 8:1-2. 1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
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