"People don't change"
I was doing a devotion the other day, and something came across my mind. We have has some falling out with friends a few years ago.... one thing that this person had said was, " People don't Change", you'll never change your stuck in the mud". If only he had known what he was saying...I wonder if he would have still said it.
I look over my life, and all that I have been through, and more so, what God has done. This friend is right in one way, and one way only. People don't change. Humans can not change our own hearts on our own accord, we lack the ability to forgive, to move on, to not hold a grudge, we lack the ability to see past tomorrow, and we struggle with who we are, for most of our lives.
However here is where he is really wrong, about me personally, I honestly could write a book about my life, and all that I have been through, been carried through, and conquered. None of it, with out my Lord and Saviour who interceded on my behalf, put guardian angels around me, and who often literally carried my soul as I wandered in the desert. I have felt abandoned and alone, more then I can count, not even realizing that my God was standing next to me. We are not promised that we will be given only what we can handle, that is a misconception that so many Christians have. God promises to walk with us, to be there through it and to celebrate with us, when we reach the other side, whatever that other side might be.
I am a born Alberta girl, and for those that don't know, there comes a certain pride about being Albertan, I was conceded and pig headed, I was a very good singer, I knew it and l love that I knew it. I felt blessed because of it, and when people started to criticize and make me feel less worthy because I loved to sing solo's, which is what I trained and completed for, I felt abused and abandoned. My refining had begun. I came to live in Ontario, after meeting my husband online. God had a hand in that, many years prior to meeting my husband, when I served him dinner at 12 years old, at a Boy's club camp in Alberta. God had a plan for me, I was unaware of just how close and personal God was in my life.
Beauty of it all was not knowing till years later of His plans for me, so that I could look back and see that God isn't this far off Master barking orders and having rules that define and Rule my life.
My heart over the years needed some more refining.
In the last 8 years, I have been through 6 years of fertility treatments, resulting in one pregnancy and the loss of 9 other babies, I have lost a dear friend, my little brother from another mother, my mom battled breast cancer and won, only to loose her battle against colon cancer the following year at age 48. I have seen friends come and go, and I given birth 3 times, soon to be a fourth. I have designed and built a house, I have seen my husband struggle with some health issues, we have seen grandparents battle cancer, and pass away, we have continued to search for a place to call home( church wise) for years. My family members have struggled beyond what I can imagine with depression and loss after loosing our mom. My brother had a stroke at age 26, and found out that he had a hole in his heart and had it repaired. I have battled depression, and post-partum depression, and I have had to seek help to get me through the really hard times. I look back over that list, and I see a lot of I's. What my point is, I may write I in front, but make no mistake, God had a hand in getting me through the hard times, a hand in creating life in my womb, when all hope was fading. I am nothing with out Him. I mean that. In the last 6 years, after my mom died, a big part of me died too. I became with drawn, even more depressed, I have stopped singing in public, I have stopped doing things that I love to do.
That confident girl that once existed, doesn't any more. I am not confident in who I am. However my confidence lies not with me, but with my God. I am being made new, stripping the old all away, leaving a new creation. As the world struggles around me, My heart has been moved, and changed recently. I have made a point of reading books that apply to my life right now, that apply to who God is forming me to be. I am not complete, the master is not finished with me yet.
I think back on that statement, "people don't change, your stuck in the mud" and my first reaction is anger, but when I dig deeper into where it came from, and who it came from, I don't need to be angry, because, I know that the person it came from was deeply wounded by people around him. He saw me as a threat to his security because of how I dealt with a situation, which was not what he had expected. We are all stuck in the mud, until we make that choice to see the hope, to live the life of Christ in our own, and we will not change until we reach that point. We will continue to put "I" first, and say and do things that are not Christ like. Not to say that we will be perfect all time, and that is where God's grace comes in, that all encircling grace, that was freely given to us. I am guilty of not being Christ like more then I care to admit, but loosing my mom made me realize I need to be changed. Loosing my friends, made me see that life is short, having my babies made me see that God is good, and what he makes is pure beauty. Seeing and knowing that I too have deeply wounded and hurt people, has made this heart stop and do a 180. I am sorry, for the wounds I have inflicted, and in some cases, that sorry is not enough, and I have to be ok with that, and leave it in God's hands and that persons heart to handle. I have had to close doors on some who, are not a positive influence on my life, and who satan uses to trap me in temptation. Which has been hard, but worth it. My heart is different, because God has made it different. I am changed to a new me, the old has gone and the New has come, I am a new creation, each new day is a new start. I am still being refined. I will still make mistakes, but I am being changed, renewed, and I am forgiven. That in it of its self, can change who we are.
I look over my life, and all that I have been through, and more so, what God has done. This friend is right in one way, and one way only. People don't change. Humans can not change our own hearts on our own accord, we lack the ability to forgive, to move on, to not hold a grudge, we lack the ability to see past tomorrow, and we struggle with who we are, for most of our lives.
However here is where he is really wrong, about me personally, I honestly could write a book about my life, and all that I have been through, been carried through, and conquered. None of it, with out my Lord and Saviour who interceded on my behalf, put guardian angels around me, and who often literally carried my soul as I wandered in the desert. I have felt abandoned and alone, more then I can count, not even realizing that my God was standing next to me. We are not promised that we will be given only what we can handle, that is a misconception that so many Christians have. God promises to walk with us, to be there through it and to celebrate with us, when we reach the other side, whatever that other side might be.
I am a born Alberta girl, and for those that don't know, there comes a certain pride about being Albertan, I was conceded and pig headed, I was a very good singer, I knew it and l love that I knew it. I felt blessed because of it, and when people started to criticize and make me feel less worthy because I loved to sing solo's, which is what I trained and completed for, I felt abused and abandoned. My refining had begun. I came to live in Ontario, after meeting my husband online. God had a hand in that, many years prior to meeting my husband, when I served him dinner at 12 years old, at a Boy's club camp in Alberta. God had a plan for me, I was unaware of just how close and personal God was in my life.
Beauty of it all was not knowing till years later of His plans for me, so that I could look back and see that God isn't this far off Master barking orders and having rules that define and Rule my life.
My heart over the years needed some more refining.
In the last 8 years, I have been through 6 years of fertility treatments, resulting in one pregnancy and the loss of 9 other babies, I have lost a dear friend, my little brother from another mother, my mom battled breast cancer and won, only to loose her battle against colon cancer the following year at age 48. I have seen friends come and go, and I given birth 3 times, soon to be a fourth. I have designed and built a house, I have seen my husband struggle with some health issues, we have seen grandparents battle cancer, and pass away, we have continued to search for a place to call home( church wise) for years. My family members have struggled beyond what I can imagine with depression and loss after loosing our mom. My brother had a stroke at age 26, and found out that he had a hole in his heart and had it repaired. I have battled depression, and post-partum depression, and I have had to seek help to get me through the really hard times. I look back over that list, and I see a lot of I's. What my point is, I may write I in front, but make no mistake, God had a hand in getting me through the hard times, a hand in creating life in my womb, when all hope was fading. I am nothing with out Him. I mean that. In the last 6 years, after my mom died, a big part of me died too. I became with drawn, even more depressed, I have stopped singing in public, I have stopped doing things that I love to do.That confident girl that once existed, doesn't any more. I am not confident in who I am. However my confidence lies not with me, but with my God. I am being made new, stripping the old all away, leaving a new creation. As the world struggles around me, My heart has been moved, and changed recently. I have made a point of reading books that apply to my life right now, that apply to who God is forming me to be. I am not complete, the master is not finished with me yet.
I think back on that statement, "people don't change, your stuck in the mud" and my first reaction is anger, but when I dig deeper into where it came from, and who it came from, I don't need to be angry, because, I know that the person it came from was deeply wounded by people around him. He saw me as a threat to his security because of how I dealt with a situation, which was not what he had expected. We are all stuck in the mud, until we make that choice to see the hope, to live the life of Christ in our own, and we will not change until we reach that point. We will continue to put "I" first, and say and do things that are not Christ like. Not to say that we will be perfect all time, and that is where God's grace comes in, that all encircling grace, that was freely given to us. I am guilty of not being Christ like more then I care to admit, but loosing my mom made me realize I need to be changed. Loosing my friends, made me see that life is short, having my babies made me see that God is good, and what he makes is pure beauty. Seeing and knowing that I too have deeply wounded and hurt people, has made this heart stop and do a 180. I am sorry, for the wounds I have inflicted, and in some cases, that sorry is not enough, and I have to be ok with that, and leave it in God's hands and that persons heart to handle. I have had to close doors on some who, are not a positive influence on my life, and who satan uses to trap me in temptation. Which has been hard, but worth it. My heart is different, because God has made it different. I am changed to a new me, the old has gone and the New has come, I am a new creation, each new day is a new start. I am still being refined. I will still make mistakes, but I am being changed, renewed, and I am forgiven. That in it of its self, can change who we are.
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