An Indiana Jones kind of Day!
Ever start your day out feeling like Indiana Jones running from the big rock, rolling ever closer and faster for you, ready to strike you down. I feel like I am just on that edge of being stream rolled. Trying everything in my power to escape that oppressive situation, that bad mood, that bad day, or my uncooperative 7 year old, sleep deprivation, sadness, and grief. My heart has seen its share of bad days, and felt completely overwhelmed with trouble, fear and self induced oppression, and doubt. Lets lay some things out here about who I am, and why I am the way I am, and why God means so much to me.
My life's Big rocks.
~Bacterial Pneumonia in my blood stream. Penicillin saved my life at 11 months old.
God's Grace: I was cured after 10 days in Hospital.
~Age 8 Boat accident, my grandparents and I capsized in a river, and I ended up under the boat, my dad saved my life, by pulling the boat up, in water over his head.
God's Grace: We all survived that day, and I will never forget the way my grandpa held me, and looked at me, so thankful that I was alright.
~A creep entered my back yard, at age 8, and revealed his private parts to me. Worst part is, for 26 years, I have known who it was and never told police when I was interviewed.
God's Grace: He didn't come any further in my yard then just a few steps, or touch me in anyway.
~My father battled demons of his own, depression. It deeply effected us as a family, and my parents marriage began to fail.
God's Grace: My dad and I have regained some of our lost relationship, and I am so thankful that I can say I still love my dad.
~My parents separate, I became angry at the world.
God's Grace: God provided me with people who cared, friends who had my back, and faith that things would get better.
~I was going to commit suicide, my own depression began to be to much for me, and I had trouble seeing through my pain, a family photo and a Bible, saved my life that night.
God's Grace: I fatefully looked up at picture before I took a whole bottle of pills, there on the wall was a picture of my family intact, and I couldn't let them suffer my loss, because of depression. His word told me to not be afraid that he was with me wherever I go. Joshua 1:9.
~I hated someone for a very long time, I became a gossip, and the opposite of Christ like.
God's Grace: My mom 3 days before she died told me an answer to my question: How do you stop hating someone? She asked me how God saw me. I said forgiven, pure and clean. She said, if we could stop and look past the dirt, the grime and see what God see's in each of us, how different the world would be. That day changed my heart.
~Loosing my grandpa in our first year of marriage, to liver failure. He was more like a dad to me sometimes, and He is deeply missed.
God's Grace: I got to spend the last moments of his life with a man who went Home into Glory, I loved a man, who to some was unloveable, but I treasure him.
~Loosing our first pregnancy. My heart broke.
For the next 6 years we endured infertility, its treatments, and IVF.
God's Grace: I have 4 little girls now. Everything we went through was worth it, these little girls inspire me, and love me for who I am. I am so blessed.
~ Lost a brother from another mother, a companion who I spent a lot of time with, and I could talk to him about so much, to a horrible accident.
God's Grace: I watched our family come together, and bond, heal, laugh and cry together, and I felt his presence in my life, at that time.
~My mom battled breast cancer, was declared cancer free, and one year later died of colon/liver cancer, when our IVF baby was 7 weeks old.
God's Grace: We all knew where she was going, Heaven welcomed her with open arms I am sure, she got to meet her answered Prayer Lady Tor Tor.
~My brothers, suffered so much after my mom died, all of us so young to loose our mom. They both battled demons of their own as well. My middle brother had a stroke at age 23, and it was found that he had a hole in his heart that has since been repaired.
God's Grace: My brothers have come around, they still have a few kinks, but they are so strong, they just might not know it themselves. My prayers for them still go out, and I hope they know that they are loved.
~Our second baby, I battled postpartum depression, and I felt so alone, and alienated and house bound and I hope and pray I don't have to ever feel that again.
God's Grace: We got through the hard stuff, and she is a wonderful, beautiful and smart 3.5 year old, and I can't imagine my life with out her. Miss Emi-lou.
~On May 17, 2017 I lost my sister in law, one of my closest friends since moving to Ontario, 13 years ago, in a car accident, she was 30.
God's Grace: Katie died instantly, and did not have to suffer. Our family came together, like never before, and the out pouring of love and support was immense, and we felt so wrapped in prayers, and support. It was breath taking.
~ I still deal with depression, and fight every day to keep it together, enough to get through it.
God's Grace:God is my refuge in Him I find my strength. I take it one day at time, and that Big Rock sometimes still gets me down and I feel the panic and fear, and I reminded by God, that He has my back, and I am not alone, I don't need to be afraid. Lay it all at His feet.
I look back over this list of "BIG ROCKS" and although at times there was what felt like no hope, and I felt so alone, and afraid. God never forsakes us. Every rock I have come up against and felt breathing down my neck, God has given me his Grace. Satan has no victory over me, Christ has paid my ransom, and set me free. There are many more "big rocks", that I might face, today tomorrow, or some where down the road, but I will take it moment by moment, and His Grace will be sufficient for me. I will put my trust in Him. Not easy, but so worth it.
Blessings.
Mommy AK
My life's Big rocks.
~Bacterial Pneumonia in my blood stream. Penicillin saved my life at 11 months old.
God's Grace: I was cured after 10 days in Hospital.
~Age 8 Boat accident, my grandparents and I capsized in a river, and I ended up under the boat, my dad saved my life, by pulling the boat up, in water over his head.
God's Grace: We all survived that day, and I will never forget the way my grandpa held me, and looked at me, so thankful that I was alright.
~A creep entered my back yard, at age 8, and revealed his private parts to me. Worst part is, for 26 years, I have known who it was and never told police when I was interviewed.
God's Grace: He didn't come any further in my yard then just a few steps, or touch me in anyway.
~My father battled demons of his own, depression. It deeply effected us as a family, and my parents marriage began to fail.
God's Grace: My dad and I have regained some of our lost relationship, and I am so thankful that I can say I still love my dad.
~My parents separate, I became angry at the world.
God's Grace: God provided me with people who cared, friends who had my back, and faith that things would get better.
~I was going to commit suicide, my own depression began to be to much for me, and I had trouble seeing through my pain, a family photo and a Bible, saved my life that night.
God's Grace: I fatefully looked up at picture before I took a whole bottle of pills, there on the wall was a picture of my family intact, and I couldn't let them suffer my loss, because of depression. His word told me to not be afraid that he was with me wherever I go. Joshua 1:9.
~I hated someone for a very long time, I became a gossip, and the opposite of Christ like.
God's Grace: My mom 3 days before she died told me an answer to my question: How do you stop hating someone? She asked me how God saw me. I said forgiven, pure and clean. She said, if we could stop and look past the dirt, the grime and see what God see's in each of us, how different the world would be. That day changed my heart.
~Loosing my grandpa in our first year of marriage, to liver failure. He was more like a dad to me sometimes, and He is deeply missed.
God's Grace: I got to spend the last moments of his life with a man who went Home into Glory, I loved a man, who to some was unloveable, but I treasure him.
~Loosing our first pregnancy. My heart broke.
For the next 6 years we endured infertility, its treatments, and IVF.
God's Grace: I have 4 little girls now. Everything we went through was worth it, these little girls inspire me, and love me for who I am. I am so blessed.
~ Lost a brother from another mother, a companion who I spent a lot of time with, and I could talk to him about so much, to a horrible accident.
God's Grace: I watched our family come together, and bond, heal, laugh and cry together, and I felt his presence in my life, at that time.
~My mom battled breast cancer, was declared cancer free, and one year later died of colon/liver cancer, when our IVF baby was 7 weeks old.
God's Grace: We all knew where she was going, Heaven welcomed her with open arms I am sure, she got to meet her answered Prayer Lady Tor Tor.
~My brothers, suffered so much after my mom died, all of us so young to loose our mom. They both battled demons of their own as well. My middle brother had a stroke at age 23, and it was found that he had a hole in his heart that has since been repaired.
God's Grace: My brothers have come around, they still have a few kinks, but they are so strong, they just might not know it themselves. My prayers for them still go out, and I hope they know that they are loved.
~Our second baby, I battled postpartum depression, and I felt so alone, and alienated and house bound and I hope and pray I don't have to ever feel that again.
God's Grace: We got through the hard stuff, and she is a wonderful, beautiful and smart 3.5 year old, and I can't imagine my life with out her. Miss Emi-lou.
~On May 17, 2017 I lost my sister in law, one of my closest friends since moving to Ontario, 13 years ago, in a car accident, she was 30.
God's Grace: Katie died instantly, and did not have to suffer. Our family came together, like never before, and the out pouring of love and support was immense, and we felt so wrapped in prayers, and support. It was breath taking.
~ I still deal with depression, and fight every day to keep it together, enough to get through it.
God's Grace:God is my refuge in Him I find my strength. I take it one day at time, and that Big Rock sometimes still gets me down and I feel the panic and fear, and I reminded by God, that He has my back, and I am not alone, I don't need to be afraid. Lay it all at His feet.
I look back over this list of "BIG ROCKS" and although at times there was what felt like no hope, and I felt so alone, and afraid. God never forsakes us. Every rock I have come up against and felt breathing down my neck, God has given me his Grace. Satan has no victory over me, Christ has paid my ransom, and set me free. There are many more "big rocks", that I might face, today tomorrow, or some where down the road, but I will take it moment by moment, and His Grace will be sufficient for me. I will put my trust in Him. Not easy, but so worth it.
Blessings.
Mommy AK
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