A Mother and daughter bond- A tribute to my Mom.

My mom is and will always be my hero.  She however never told me that the expectations of being a hero were often to much for her.  What she didn't maybe realize, is that she was a hero to me, not for the un-orindary things that she did, but rather for the ordinary things.   She was my hero, because she was our foundation.  When the world came crumbling down around us, she made sure her house was home.  She provided for us the best way she could.  I didn't always treat my mom, well at all.  I had some resentment towards her during my high school days, we fought a lot, two peas in a pod, but bonked heads because of it.  However I loved my mom so much, It used to make me cry, just thinking about life with out my mom, long before my mom ever had cancer.  I knew her value, but I didn't do the best at making sure she knew it, by my actions.

Mom (Oma) and Daughter (my mom), Post Chemo trip to Vancouver

  We worked it out, but I moved out of home when I was 18 to save our relationship, and it did just that.  My mom and I had a such such a deep connection, we often would be calling each other and both of us would have a busy signal because we called at the same moment.  We also often called each other when it was a bad day, and we just knew it, before we even picked up the phone.  My relationship with my mom became even more true, when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, in November of 2008.  I went to be with my mom while she recovered from a mastectomy she had in January of 2009.  I spent 2.5 months with my mom, living with her, talking with her, crying with her, studying the bible with her, no job to interrupt us, nothing in particular to do, but just enjoy the time we had together.  The best 2.5 months in a daughter life.  The moment that changed our relation for ever, is when I confessed something that was on my heart to my mom. I felt incredibly guilty, and afraid of her disappointment.  However,  earlier that day, I had shown her a short clip, about a father, and his son.  His son had stolen a white ball from someone, and got in trouble, and he is confronted and his dad says. NOTHING YOU COULD EVER DO WOULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS!!   In my heart I knew it was the right time after we had attended a bible study to confess my sin to my mom.  It was a sin against her, and my God.  I spilled my beans and heart to her, and she didn't say anything at first, Just wrapped her arms around me, and whispered in my ear. NOTHING YOU COULD EVER DO WOULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS!!  She told me she was disappointed, but I had righted my wrongs, and that most of all I AM FORGIVEN BY GOD, FOR ALL MY SINS...not just a few, but ALL.

RN graduation 1983

My hero, just became even more of my hero. Battling cancer, and afraid, of that coming surgery she was about to face, she illuminated with Grace.
My mom was a registered Nurse, she worked as an NICU nurse for over 17 years.  She adored babies, and taught me well in caring for them. She later in her Career switched to Geriatrics, and became what is called an inservice Educator. She was so good at teaching as well.  It was one of her Spiritual gifts.
  My mom was a beautiful petite red head, with a fiery spirit, and a little goof ball thrown in there too.  She also loved to garden, but all inside plants were destined to die of dehydration( also a trait I inherited)  She loved to laugh, and we did plenty of that.  She also loved to living room dance....now we were never really good at it, but she would get her boogie on every once in a while.  She was even brave enough to try to homeschool us for 2 years.  I was a pain in the butt....cause all I wanted was a locker....I think if my parents could have put a locker in my homeschool space...I would have been happier.  I am thankful now, for her effort, and although my parents separation, ended our homeschooling, I was truly blessed to be taught by mom.  Mom was always a great person to talk to.  She would listen and calmly answer your questions or give you advice.  Families of her patients in the NICU loved her,  she was genuine, real, and authentic, and level headed( most of the time). Her friends adored her, and she meant the world to her parents, who helped her move, and redecorate her many homes. But no matter where my mom moved to,  it was always home.  My home town will never be the same again, now that my mom is gone.  I just can't bring my heart back to the place it was.

MOM
June 1, 1962- Oct 2, 2010.

When my mom was diagnosed as terminal, in June of 2010, she refused to give up the the fight. Declaring to me "I am still living until I am dead, then I am living with God. I don't want to be told I am dying, until my heart stops beating".  Mom fought ferociously and bravely.  Cancer was robbing her of life, and weight, and pink skin.  Yet, she would barely complain.  Not until the last few hours of her life, when suffering and pain set in as her body was shutting down.  I came into her room, the last night she was alive, and she was praying.  "Oh God, please heal me or Take me home".  She would be gone just over 12 hours later.   One of my mom's slogans for her fight against cancer was " Love Life" The very title of this blog, chosen for good reason, I want to remember her fight for life, when life gets you down, and there seems to be no way out, don't give up. Loving life does not mean you have to be happy all the time, but it means to find love, grace, hope in the most unlikely places, and knowing that God will never leave you.  My favourite verse is John 3:16, the most quoted text in the Bible, and there is a reason for that, it is the very foundation of the Christian faith. " For God so love the world that he gave his one and only son, but whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life".  That is my very hope, and it was my mom's hope.  She was never afraid of dying, she knew where she was going, but she was afraid of the impact her death would have on those around her. Her Parents, her siblings, her friends, and her kids.  She knew it would be devastating. It was.  Still is. My mom's faith in her God, and King was astounding.  It was so much deeper then most will ever get, she was awestruck by His majesty, and Love and Grace.  She was by no means perfect, and her behaviour in her last days was confusing, and unresolved, uncommunicative, it was so hard to make sense of what was going on in her mind. She would not talk about dying or what she wanted after she died, to know one in her past hours. This was likely caused by the cancer, shutting her liver down, which changed her personality. Pain killers barely touched her pain. It was awful to witness, yet, I sat with her on her bed, we read out a piece from the book with Blessings in it.  The last thing I read to my mom, was a piece about, handing down your vision to your children.  She picked it.  My mom is a hero, because even in the face of death, she was a witness, even when others doubted her faith, she persisted and went after treatments. I miss my mom every day, I miss her smile, her laugh, I am so glad I laugh like her.  I read her diaries and have her Christmas decorations, and many of her House hold decor,  If I could have packed up her entire house and put it in my own I would have.  I take out her scarfs, and mittens, and put my hands where her hands once were, and for a moment I feel just a little closer.  My mom was an ordinary hero, that had an ex-ordinary impact on my life.

Love you Always Mom!    ROB BELL - LUMP (NOOMA) https://youtu.be/2WC-70-Otk8

Blessings

Deeds K.