Grief and Joy at Christmas- My personal reflections.
As many of us prepare for Christmas celebrations, for some it is a time of peace and joy, for others who have suffered loss or are still grieving or for others that are facing health crisis's this year Christmas may not be such a joyous time of celebrating. In fact, some may not want to celebrate at all. This time of year is a time of stress for me, I really don't enjoy shopping and I certainly don't enjoy doing it with my children with me. It is just a recipe for meltdowns, mostly for mommy. Yesterday my 2 year old fell down some stairs at a family birthday party resulting in a broken arm, requiring her bone to be set and casted. I was already tired, and Now I am sick with a cold due to lack of sleep, my heart is still grieving and my mind just needs some serious rest, in more ways then one. I am just not in the mood for celebrating. I do however love the joy that my children express at Christmas, but most of all, I love the hope I have in my Heavenly Father. Jesus' Birth and death are the very foundation on which the Christian Faith is built on . There is real joy for me found in Him, and there is real sorrow and exhaustion found in my life as well. The two coexist together. The joy is there because I believe that nothing can separate me from my loving Father, NOTHING. There is pain because we live in a broken world, I need rest physically but also Spiritually, emotionally, life is tough some days, and seasons. I believe in the power of God, but I am not used to tapping into it, I know that he can will my ailments away, just as he calmed the sea. I have been through my share of storms.
I wanted to tell you a story, I went to a camp called Simonhouse Bible Camp in Cranberry Portage MB (http://simonhouse.ca) as a Counsellor the summer after graduation from high school. It was a transforming summer, and I was so blessed by my experience there. My last week there I went on a Canoe camp, what an amazing, and absolutely challenging week, physically and mentally and spiritually. I am pretty good at paddling and spent a lot of time on the water as a kid. On the first day I was partnered with another strong paddler. We ended up being WAY a head of the rest of the crew, so we got to spend some time just floating for a bit and getting some rest, and good thing, because in the next few days I had no idea the challenge I would be up for. On the 3rd day, we had to canoe a large piece of water, the wind had picked up. So We needed experienced paddlers in the back of each Canoe to help keep Canoes loaded with gear from tipping. So I was put into the back of a Canoe, and my partner was a weaker paddler. We started out across the lake, when the waves started to pick up my front paddler began to panic, and STOPPED paddling. When she did, I was fighting the wind and the waves on my own. I realized I was not winning against the wind that was pushing us into a rock wall, and we were likely going to tip. All the other canoes had made to the shore across a narrow. We were in a location so remote that the only way in is by Canoe or float plane, we had a satellite radio for emergencies. I had to make a decision, stay in the boat and get flipped and loose our gear or get out and swim us to shore. I was in all my clothes, I checked my life jacket and I jumped. My passenger just stay there screaming at the wind...I was filled with adrenaline, I was bound and determined to get to shore. I swam my heart out, to be honest I can swim, I have a strong stride but when it came to lessons, I sucked. I was putting everything I learned in lessons to practice...the real deal...for my life. I made it to shore and some of the crew came to pull our canoe and the passenger out of the canoe. I took my wet clothes off, and found that most of my gear was wet due to the waves crashing over the side, from us going broadside to the wind. Most of the canoes also had taken on some water as well. A decision was made that we needed to just sit tight for awhile and pray. We were not in a place that we could camp, so we talked and spent some time in solace on our own. It was with in a few minutes of that, we all looked out over the water, after someone said "look at the water guys". It was like glass. For the rest of that evening the water was like glass, the only ripple in the lake was from us paddling and fish jumping. I have never seen anything like that before. The reflection in the water was astounding. I would not have appreciated the calm waters as much if I had not been through the previous adventure just minutes before. In my moment of Solace, I prayed that God would calm the waters, I even stretched out my hands as I prayed...this is something I never did .I just never did those kinds of things, but I did that dayI was so thankful he heard my prayers in that canoe and as I jumped in the lake. I took a huge risk getting out of the canoe. But I did not feel alone in that moment looking back, I felt I had no other option but jump in, and trust.
When we go through the hardships of life on this earth, its some times hard to fathom how we are going to get through it, and at times it requires decisions we may not want to make but have to in that situation. In a split second things can change, but life goes on. The time does not stop, and the seasons change and christmas is still coming and the kids are still going to wake up and look for their presents under the tree on Christmas morning. This Christmas, it is a season of challenge and change, loss and heartache, but also of great Joy, WE have a new baby, we still have a loving family, and I still have life. I have the choice, to love the life I am living, I may not love everything about it, but I am only given one life on this earth to live, and I need to fight the currents, and the wind for as long as I can, and if I need to, get out of that boat and swim for shore. Christmas is a time to remember who we are, God's children. One of my favourite moments is when my kids come and sit on my lap, and fall asleep. Last night Lady A broke her arm and in the midst of the chaos and her pain, she fell asleep in my arms because she was just so exhausted. God is just waiting for us to be comforted by those Holy all knowing arms, when we have nothing left to give, he is going to come and help us to shore. It may not be easy, and we may just have to work really hard, and fight for life, but it's worth it. I will be missing some very special loved ones this Christmas and every Christmas after this, and I am in the season of little babies, and long nights and Long days, but my time with them is worth it all. My hope in my Jesus and the shore on the other side is worth the risk of getting out of the boat. Swimming for it is a lot of work, but he has not left us alone. His spirit dwells in us, and NEVER leaves us, and so we are never alone. It may feel like it when you are fighting through the hard stuff. I heard a quote, "God can move mountains but don't be surprised when he hands you a shovel". We are not promised and easy life, but we are promised a faithful Father, which nothing can separate us from him. That little baby born in Bethlehem, to a small young girl, in a stable, was in the fight for his life, from the moment he was arrived on the scene. This small baby boy, would change the world and give hope to those who choose to believe. Christmas will remain my least favourite and my favourite all at the same time, and the mishmash of emotions are just fine as far as I am concerned. Its ok to feel Grief and struggle, and its ok to be happy at Christmas, both can coexist. It means we are human. I heard a talk the other day on Facebook, and she had a very interesting line that I wrote down. I don't even know what her name is, but I loved what she said. Grief is just Love squaring up to its oldest Enemy". It is my prayer that we can celebrate the Love and joy that life has brought us in others who have gone before us and may you value the life you have all the more, and know that grieving is right even in the "happiest time of the year" its alright to feel both. You are human, loved; The very first Christmas was for you and I, not because we are perfect but because of our very imperfections. To God be the Glory!
Wishing you All His Blessings!!
Deeds K
I wanted to tell you a story, I went to a camp called Simonhouse Bible Camp in Cranberry Portage MB (http://simonhouse.ca) as a Counsellor the summer after graduation from high school. It was a transforming summer, and I was so blessed by my experience there. My last week there I went on a Canoe camp, what an amazing, and absolutely challenging week, physically and mentally and spiritually. I am pretty good at paddling and spent a lot of time on the water as a kid. On the first day I was partnered with another strong paddler. We ended up being WAY a head of the rest of the crew, so we got to spend some time just floating for a bit and getting some rest, and good thing, because in the next few days I had no idea the challenge I would be up for. On the 3rd day, we had to canoe a large piece of water, the wind had picked up. So We needed experienced paddlers in the back of each Canoe to help keep Canoes loaded with gear from tipping. So I was put into the back of a Canoe, and my partner was a weaker paddler. We started out across the lake, when the waves started to pick up my front paddler began to panic, and STOPPED paddling. When she did, I was fighting the wind and the waves on my own. I realized I was not winning against the wind that was pushing us into a rock wall, and we were likely going to tip. All the other canoes had made to the shore across a narrow. We were in a location so remote that the only way in is by Canoe or float plane, we had a satellite radio for emergencies. I had to make a decision, stay in the boat and get flipped and loose our gear or get out and swim us to shore. I was in all my clothes, I checked my life jacket and I jumped. My passenger just stay there screaming at the wind...I was filled with adrenaline, I was bound and determined to get to shore. I swam my heart out, to be honest I can swim, I have a strong stride but when it came to lessons, I sucked. I was putting everything I learned in lessons to practice...the real deal...for my life. I made it to shore and some of the crew came to pull our canoe and the passenger out of the canoe. I took my wet clothes off, and found that most of my gear was wet due to the waves crashing over the side, from us going broadside to the wind. Most of the canoes also had taken on some water as well. A decision was made that we needed to just sit tight for awhile and pray. We were not in a place that we could camp, so we talked and spent some time in solace on our own. It was with in a few minutes of that, we all looked out over the water, after someone said "look at the water guys". It was like glass. For the rest of that evening the water was like glass, the only ripple in the lake was from us paddling and fish jumping. I have never seen anything like that before. The reflection in the water was astounding. I would not have appreciated the calm waters as much if I had not been through the previous adventure just minutes before. In my moment of Solace, I prayed that God would calm the waters, I even stretched out my hands as I prayed...this is something I never did .I just never did those kinds of things, but I did that dayI was so thankful he heard my prayers in that canoe and as I jumped in the lake. I took a huge risk getting out of the canoe. But I did not feel alone in that moment looking back, I felt I had no other option but jump in, and trust.
When we go through the hardships of life on this earth, its some times hard to fathom how we are going to get through it, and at times it requires decisions we may not want to make but have to in that situation. In a split second things can change, but life goes on. The time does not stop, and the seasons change and christmas is still coming and the kids are still going to wake up and look for their presents under the tree on Christmas morning. This Christmas, it is a season of challenge and change, loss and heartache, but also of great Joy, WE have a new baby, we still have a loving family, and I still have life. I have the choice, to love the life I am living, I may not love everything about it, but I am only given one life on this earth to live, and I need to fight the currents, and the wind for as long as I can, and if I need to, get out of that boat and swim for shore. Christmas is a time to remember who we are, God's children. One of my favourite moments is when my kids come and sit on my lap, and fall asleep. Last night Lady A broke her arm and in the midst of the chaos and her pain, she fell asleep in my arms because she was just so exhausted. God is just waiting for us to be comforted by those Holy all knowing arms, when we have nothing left to give, he is going to come and help us to shore. It may not be easy, and we may just have to work really hard, and fight for life, but it's worth it. I will be missing some very special loved ones this Christmas and every Christmas after this, and I am in the season of little babies, and long nights and Long days, but my time with them is worth it all. My hope in my Jesus and the shore on the other side is worth the risk of getting out of the boat. Swimming for it is a lot of work, but he has not left us alone. His spirit dwells in us, and NEVER leaves us, and so we are never alone. It may feel like it when you are fighting through the hard stuff. I heard a quote, "God can move mountains but don't be surprised when he hands you a shovel". We are not promised and easy life, but we are promised a faithful Father, which nothing can separate us from him. That little baby born in Bethlehem, to a small young girl, in a stable, was in the fight for his life, from the moment he was arrived on the scene. This small baby boy, would change the world and give hope to those who choose to believe. Christmas will remain my least favourite and my favourite all at the same time, and the mishmash of emotions are just fine as far as I am concerned. Its ok to feel Grief and struggle, and its ok to be happy at Christmas, both can coexist. It means we are human. I heard a talk the other day on Facebook, and she had a very interesting line that I wrote down. I don't even know what her name is, but I loved what she said. Grief is just Love squaring up to its oldest Enemy". It is my prayer that we can celebrate the Love and joy that life has brought us in others who have gone before us and may you value the life you have all the more, and know that grieving is right even in the "happiest time of the year" its alright to feel both. You are human, loved; The very first Christmas was for you and I, not because we are perfect but because of our very imperfections. To God be the Glory!Wishing you All His Blessings!!
Deeds K
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