I'd Rather Walk On Water.

I was in a boat accident, when I was 8 years old.  It could very well have ended my life. We were on a leisurely float down the river in BC Canada.  Myself and my Grandparents were in one boat, my parents and brother in a dingy, and my aunt and uncle in a canoe.  I didn't want to go that day, as we left our campsite, my grandma volunteered to stay with me at the campsite. My dad convinced her and me to go...or rather...told me I was going...and didn't have a choice in the matter.  Something I have always wondered if he felt guilty for.

We ended up having a really nice day, till my grandpa, told my grandma and I that we were going to have a little bump as a rock was on our left side, that he couldn't avoid.  He figured we would glance off of it.  We didn't.  The Aluminum boat flipped, dumping myself and my grandparents into the very cold river.  This is a glacier fed river...its COLD. My grandparents ended up under the boat, as did I, but they were strong enough to pull themselves out, I however was not.  I got pinned against the rock, and the boat became a suction cup floating on the water.  I had about 4 inches above my head, and the water was just under my chin. 

I see everything now in slow motion, I had taken a shoe off earlier in the day, and I remember seeing it on the  rim of the boat.  I tried to grab it, something in me told me I needed that shoe, but it fell in the water and disappeared so I pulled the shoe I still had on off. I don't know how long I was under that boat, but I was not afraid, I was shaking like a leaf, it was so cold, and my lifejacket saved me, but it also pinned me, it was keeping some of my body heat in.  After a few minutes I think,  I could faintly hear my dad screaming my name.  I tried to answer him, but I kept getting water in my mouth, so he couldn't hear me.  I could hear my grandma crying she was clinging to the rock right beside me on the other side of the upside down boat.  It was dim inside the boat, but I could see enough, to see that the boat was starting to sink.  It was within in seconds of realizing this, that all of a sudden it got really bright, as I was pulled by my life jacket from under the boat.  I remember seeing my Dad's face, a face I will never forget, relief, determination, and fear.  I started to cry, and he said "why didn't you answer me?". 

About a minute later the boat sank to the bottom of the river.  My Dad, saved my life.  I don't know how he lifted the boat because the water we were in was well over his head, he could not stand yet he lifted the boat enough to get me out with one hand and pulled me out with the other.

It was then that reality set in on how on earth we were going to get everyone out of the middle of the river, My mom, was left in the dingy with my little brother on one side of the river, and my aunt and uncle in the canoe on the other. 

They used the canoe to get me and my grandparents to one shore, and got my mom, and brother also to the same shore.  In this time, I was sitting with my grandpa, who was shaking too, he held me so tight, and rubbed my shaking little body.  He told me, keep your life jacket on, it will keep you warmer; since we had no dry clothes, and no dry towels, because they were at the bottom of the river.  We were miles from any help,  and no one was around.  It was decided that we had to the the boat from the bottom up the river.  My Aunt in the Canoe was a Synchronized swimmer...and could hold her breath for an incredibly long time, she dove down in the river, Probably 5-6 times trying to free the anchor line from the rock, and then pushed the boat to the surface.   My dad and uncle flipped and dragged it to shore, were they dumped the water out.  Then the words I will never forget  what came out of my Dad's mouth..."Get back in the boat".  SAY WHAT?!!? 

That boat nearly killed me and you want me to get back in it?  We needed to get back in it, so that we could float to a location closer to where our vehicles were parked, and get back home and truly warmed up. 

I cried and begged not to get back in that boat....I would have rather walked on Water then to get back into that boat.  My dad knew that we needed to get dry, and warm. Shock was a threat to our lives from the cold.   So soaking wet, cold and shaking we reluctantly got back in the boat.  My dad at the oars, he took us back to the middle of the river, we floated for a few more miles, and came to a beach on the side of the river.  With drift wood and sand, and my dad built a Fire, I can remember that feeling of warming up, like an ice cube melting...every muscle in my body was hurting from the cold, and the warmth from the fire, and my mothers arms who held me so close to her, I could feel her heart beat against my chest, i started to thaw out.  My Uncle from the Canoe was training for a marathon, and ran 17 km or something like that to get a vehicle to take us back to the camp ground.  I will be forever grateful for the angels that watched over me that day, and my dad,  and my aunt and uncle.   

Isn't so true that when something awful happens, we look for reasons to avoid having that experience brought back to our memory, or face whatever it is again.   It took everything in me to get back in that boat.  I was sobbing and begging to not get back in that boat.  I couldn't see why I needed to, I just saw the reasons NOT to get back in that boat.  When I have experienced other emotional hurts, or troubles, I would rather take my chances and walk on the water, then get back in the boat, that nearly killed me. Now I am not saying all situations are warranted to get back in the boat, nor should you have to.  But for me personally,  if I didn't trust my dad, who had already saved my life once that day,  to get me and my grandparents to safety it could have resulted in a situation, I would rather not imagine. 

When we are deeply wounded by something or someone while doing something we love, it is incredibly hard to get back in that boat.  This real life story has a lesson for me, and maybe others.  I am in a place of burn out, and genuine fear of letting people into my heart, due to many hurts and wounds left by family, friends, church members, and circumstances of loss, depression and all the symptoms of it.  God desperately is trying to get me back into his boat. We all know the story of Peter walking on the water, mine is the exact opposite, but same story line. 

 God is saying "Get in the boat, trust me.  I have better plans for you, I will bring you to safety, warmth, and home. I will row you, hold you, encourage you, tell you I love you,  your going to be ok".  My own dad on that day convinced me twice to get in that boat, once before trouble and once after.  We are not promised that we are not going to get wet, cold, and beat up along the way, but God does promise that he will never leave us for forsake us.  Fear tells us that we can't do it.  Wether you are out of the boat trying to walk on the water, or in the boat trying to get out it.  Satan is going to be right there, in your face in your  moment of panic and Fear.  However the Bible tells us this: Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5. 

Whether you are in or out of your current boat, or safety net, Commit it to Him.  He has your back, in life or in death, in victory or in loss, he will act for you not against you. 

I don't know where God will take me, but I do know, that if I don't get in that boat, I could be missing the most important things, people, activities of my life, that are vital to my life, and maybe to the the souls or lives of others.  I have a story to tell, but I can not tell it if I don't get in that boat to different shores. Psalm 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

So today, I cry out. My crushed spirit, is in need of him to walk with my through this valley, to not set up camp, but keep on walking through it, like so many valley's before this one, the grassy meadows are not so far away.  That Beach and warm fire, are ready and waiting just have to trust the captain of my boat. 

Blessings

Deeds K