Your Attitude stinks! My children's attitude is a reflection of my own.
Lately I have noticed a change in my 7 year old. She has recently made the statement, "I can't wait to be a teenager". eeeek! What do you say that one? Her attitude lately has changed too...its sassy! Back story to this: Miss Tor Tor grew up around her aunts and uncles. She has always been a babe of sass....but lately it has come with some serious attitude. We are not enjoying this attitude either.
However with that said, we have had some pretty significant life changes in our lives the last 6 months. Loosing Auntie Katie, having a new baby, starting a new homeschooling year with a mommy who is under the weather, under great sorrow, and trying and feeling like I am failing miserably to be the perfect Momma, perhaps an expectation have placed on myself...one not that is warranted or needed.
What I am trying to get at here, is she is a reflection of her Mommy. My attitude has been one of sass, because that is how I learned to cope when, I am struggling under some strain in my life. In Junior High, my dad thought I was just being sassy and cranky because of my hormones... at times yes, but most of the time, No, it was deeper than that. I was angry at him, and my mom, for always fighting. I was angry that people from my church were interfering with our lives, I was unsure how to handle my dad as he sank deeper into depression. I saw his despair, and his anger. I saw their marriage falling apart. I saw my mom crying herself to sleep, I remember taking my brothers out of our house out the back door, when mom and dad were arguing. I was struggling to survive. It came out as Sass, and anger towards those I loved the most.
I will admit, I have not been myself for a long time. I am struggling with my own depression, and anxiety, and my attitude Frankly stinks to high heaven. My burn out, my doubt in churches, and people, my hurts, bad habits and hangups, leave me exhausted and strangely unable to sleep. My daughters see me struggle, hear me get up set, and watch me fall apart some days. It was worse a few months ago, when Auntie Katie first died. I am close with my sister in laws, but I had a very close relation with Katie because of experiences we had together. We had been through the most together. I am beyond devastated. I have had to gather up my pieces of my broken heart once again, try to keep positive, keep light hearted, and focused on the good in my life. Its hard.
My heart has taken so many beatings, and I fear its not over yet. Where there is life there is struggle.
Some of the hardest times in my life, were also my best. I didn't see it at the time. It's hard to see, past the bad, when all you feel is hurt, anger and sorrow. We dealt with 7 years of infertility. In that time I became so desperate for a baby that I distanced myself from family, friends and places where babies were going to be. I spent as much time as I possibly could with my husband, who like me was struggling with it. The rollercoaster that you just stay on month after month, praying, begging hopping for a miracle. We had 7 years together with no kids, blinded at the time by our fear that we would never be parents. Hind sight is 20/20. We travelled, camped, visited family for a surprise weekend across the country. Drove to Florida for a weekend, just cause we could. We didn't know it, but we were creating a foundation for our children to enter into. A solid home, by no means perfect, but a home where they are so deeply loved, cherished and cared for, and supported by two parents who love each other deeply, and were given time to grow together.
I know that my heart has some serious healing to do, and I know that my soul is mending too. I was brought down to nothing, and in that state of mind Christ can be my everything. My attitude would say I am not there yet. Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, and every winter I turn into someone I don't like. My attitude shifts, and every morning I wake up to cold, snowy days, I want to turn over and sleep the rest of the day. As a mom, I can't do that, I have to get up and get going. I am so blessed with my little girls, who usually wake me with a hug or a snuggle. One good start to the day.
My daughter's attitude has brought to light, that I need an attitude adjustment. I can almost guarantee that if I do so, and change my attitude to be more positive, and radiant, that hers' will be also. This kid continues to amaze me, an old soul if you will. She is 7, but over and over again, she has given my life direction, reason, and beauty. Attitude is powerful. It can bring down mountains, people and lives. Attitude can bring life, hope and creativity to the world. It changes perspectives and can bring good things to our broken world.
We started on this homeschooling journey for many reasons, but of it all, it has really made me focus on me, and my attitudes, my actions, my excuses, and my abilities. It has made me dive into who I am.I thought I was doing this more for them. I think it has gone both ways. We are a team, and God has placed it on my heart, that I need an attitude adjustment, more then my Seveenager does. I am not condoning her behaviour, but I have come to realize, that I am the parent, and my role is extremely powerful in her life, especially because we homeschool. It is vital, I do an attitude,check and adjustments through our year of homeschooling, because I am not going to lie, its tough some days. Its hard not to get bogged down in the mess 4 little girls and their parents can make, its hard not to get frustrated with a child who does not feel like doing her math, all the pressure is on me, as their mom, their teacher, and emotional example. My hubby says he can tell when we had a bad day, because the kids attitude is reflective of my own. Its a wake up call, its a call to Grace, for my kids but also for myself. I am so loved my my God, and he has great plans for me, not to harm me. His word declares love and forgiveness over me. I am forgiven for my faults, and each new day is his gift to try again. My attitude may stink some days, but I am so glad that his grace, and love has made me white as snow. As I look out over the snow around me this winter I need that reminder, I am white as snow, not because anything I have done, but what Christ has done for me. I need to declare that my life is His, and my Attitude needs to reflect that of my God and and King Jesus Christ. I pray that I will find the strength each day to change my bad attitudes, and frustrations, to ones that reflect, forgiveness, joy, and love.
Blessings
Deeds K
However with that said, we have had some pretty significant life changes in our lives the last 6 months. Loosing Auntie Katie, having a new baby, starting a new homeschooling year with a mommy who is under the weather, under great sorrow, and trying and feeling like I am failing miserably to be the perfect Momma, perhaps an expectation have placed on myself...one not that is warranted or needed.
What I am trying to get at here, is she is a reflection of her Mommy. My attitude has been one of sass, because that is how I learned to cope when, I am struggling under some strain in my life. In Junior High, my dad thought I was just being sassy and cranky because of my hormones... at times yes, but most of the time, No, it was deeper than that. I was angry at him, and my mom, for always fighting. I was angry that people from my church were interfering with our lives, I was unsure how to handle my dad as he sank deeper into depression. I saw his despair, and his anger. I saw their marriage falling apart. I saw my mom crying herself to sleep, I remember taking my brothers out of our house out the back door, when mom and dad were arguing. I was struggling to survive. It came out as Sass, and anger towards those I loved the most.
 |
| My beautiful miracle |
My heart has taken so many beatings, and I fear its not over yet. Where there is life there is struggle.
Some of the hardest times in my life, were also my best. I didn't see it at the time. It's hard to see, past the bad, when all you feel is hurt, anger and sorrow. We dealt with 7 years of infertility. In that time I became so desperate for a baby that I distanced myself from family, friends and places where babies were going to be. I spent as much time as I possibly could with my husband, who like me was struggling with it. The rollercoaster that you just stay on month after month, praying, begging hopping for a miracle. We had 7 years together with no kids, blinded at the time by our fear that we would never be parents. Hind sight is 20/20. We travelled, camped, visited family for a surprise weekend across the country. Drove to Florida for a weekend, just cause we could. We didn't know it, but we were creating a foundation for our children to enter into. A solid home, by no means perfect, but a home where they are so deeply loved, cherished and cared for, and supported by two parents who love each other deeply, and were given time to grow together.
I know that my heart has some serious healing to do, and I know that my soul is mending too. I was brought down to nothing, and in that state of mind Christ can be my everything. My attitude would say I am not there yet. Seasonal Affective Disorder is real, and every winter I turn into someone I don't like. My attitude shifts, and every morning I wake up to cold, snowy days, I want to turn over and sleep the rest of the day. As a mom, I can't do that, I have to get up and get going. I am so blessed with my little girls, who usually wake me with a hug or a snuggle. One good start to the day.
My daughter's attitude has brought to light, that I need an attitude adjustment. I can almost guarantee that if I do so, and change my attitude to be more positive, and radiant, that hers' will be also. This kid continues to amaze me, an old soul if you will. She is 7, but over and over again, she has given my life direction, reason, and beauty. Attitude is powerful. It can bring down mountains, people and lives. Attitude can bring life, hope and creativity to the world. It changes perspectives and can bring good things to our broken world.
We started on this homeschooling journey for many reasons, but of it all, it has really made me focus on me, and my attitudes, my actions, my excuses, and my abilities. It has made me dive into who I am.I thought I was doing this more for them. I think it has gone both ways. We are a team, and God has placed it on my heart, that I need an attitude adjustment, more then my Seveenager does. I am not condoning her behaviour, but I have come to realize, that I am the parent, and my role is extremely powerful in her life, especially because we homeschool. It is vital, I do an attitude,check and adjustments through our year of homeschooling, because I am not going to lie, its tough some days. Its hard not to get bogged down in the mess 4 little girls and their parents can make, its hard not to get frustrated with a child who does not feel like doing her math, all the pressure is on me, as their mom, their teacher, and emotional example. My hubby says he can tell when we had a bad day, because the kids attitude is reflective of my own. Its a wake up call, its a call to Grace, for my kids but also for myself. I am so loved my my God, and he has great plans for me, not to harm me. His word declares love and forgiveness over me. I am forgiven for my faults, and each new day is his gift to try again. My attitude may stink some days, but I am so glad that his grace, and love has made me white as snow. As I look out over the snow around me this winter I need that reminder, I am white as snow, not because anything I have done, but what Christ has done for me. I need to declare that my life is His, and my Attitude needs to reflect that of my God and and King Jesus Christ. I pray that I will find the strength each day to change my bad attitudes, and frustrations, to ones that reflect, forgiveness, joy, and love.
Blessings
Deeds K
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